If An Agent Called Me, I Would Die

Happy Writing Wednesday! Here’s a glimpse into the insanity that is my writing life.

If you’ve spent some time here, you know I’m querying a novel. The process is so slow I’m not going to remember where I saved the document if an agent requests it. Know what I mean?

I get that agents are busy, but since I’ve been stalking querytracker.net like it’s my job, there’s one agent I submitted to with an average of 100 days to respond to a query. Um.

Image result for waiting gif

I’ve been pretty lucky so far with my wait time. And although rejections sting, it’s nice to get it over with. For the sake of my pride, I’ve decided not to share my exact numbers with you, but when something worth sharing happens, I’ll be sure to post it. I will say, my first rejection this round hurt like hell, but they’ve gotten so much easier. #thebrightsideofrejection

I have a problem I’m trying to convince myself is not a problem. My book is too normal. When I started it, #ownvoices wasn’t a thing. At least it didn’t have hashtag. But now that’s all you see. My cast isn’t the most diverse–because the setting isn’t. It’s a small town, not NYC. And no one has any defining disability or anything. Had I known when I started writing this that I would try to get it published, I would’ve thrown something in there. But that’s the thing. I feel like so much media now is just checking off boxes. Like, let’s see, Asian? Check. Interracial couple? Check. Homosexual? Check. Anxiety disorder? Check. #forshame

The other problem I may have is the heat level. I mean, it’s probably PG-13 at the most. Sexy time scenes are not in my arsenal. I know there are agents out there who would like my book, but I don’t know where they are! I just wish I could send them a collection of Matt Bomer gifs, and say, “By the way, this is Mark Peterson.”

Image result for matt bomer gif    Related image

Wait. What was I doing? I’ve been looking at gifs for the past 20 minutes. Continue reading

Advertisements

The Query Queazies

On this wonderful Writing Wednesday, I’d like to document the following:

I sent two queries today.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to vomit.

Related image

Coming Soon: Part 2 — The Indomitable Inbox


Thanks for spending some time here. #dreambig #makeithappen

January 2019 Writing Update

I’m wondering if the way I feel about what I write is how parents feel for their children. You love them. But they also make you question your life choices.

I swear, depending on the day, I either think, you know, this is pretty good or why did I write this?

Yesterday, I was super pumped because while agent stalking, I found two agents that seem perfect. I was reading one #MSWL, and my story has all the things!

Image result for is this real life gif

Then today, I remembered I am one of a gazillion people with the same dream. *sigh* There’s such a fine line between being pessimistic and realistic. Know what I mean?

I’m about 95% finished with this current WIP dissection. By current, I mean, final. Because it has to be. However, I’ve already returned to chapter one because I’m obsessed and can’t leave it alone. My biggest obstacle I’m facing? My opening pages. I’ve managed to cut out some crap from earlier drafts, but I wish my chapter one was as good as say, chapter 12, for example? 😀 The beginning of my book has always been my least favorite part. If I could send an agent something from the middle, I’d feel so much more confident. Grrr. Continue reading

If You Want an Agent, Write YA?

Any underlying snark you may pick up on while reading is completely unintentional.

Listen. There’s something that’s been bothering me, and now’s the time to talk about it.

Why is it that every person who shares a “How I Got My Agent” story is a YA writer???

Image result for it's insane gif

Before you think I’m exaggerating, I did a simple google search: how I got an agent. Nine out of the first ten results were from YA/MG writers. NINE! (Not to mention, one of those results was a post highlighting the agent stories of 10 YA/MG authors. So, yeah.)

The only result that offered any hope to me was a Writer’s Digest article with a list of author stories. You know how many of those were YA/MG? Guess. Out of the first thirteen I read (I had to stop out of frustration), eight, one of which being a picture book.

And there’s so much sci-fi/fantasy stuff! Where are the normal people doing normal things? That’s my jam. Why isn’t there a place for these books? Agents, hello? Continue reading

A Writing Update on Writing Wednesday

Just wanted to check in on the writing front. Where all is quiet. #literarypun #suchadork

Related image

The last query I sent was March 20th.

The last rejection was March 30th.

The last writing other than a blog post? Um…last year? Yeah, I think.


Continue reading

Don’t Worry. I’m Not Dead.

Related image

I have returned. Please. Contain your excitement.

I’ve been a bit MIA lately. Twitter, this, my writing community… I’m such a routine-oriented person that when something new comes along, it throws me off so much that something’s gotta give. In this case, three somethings.

My cat’s social media presence is still very much alive. Because priorities.

So what’s been going on with me? What is it that has screwed over my precious routine?

I got a job, y’all.

Related image

For that and other randomness, keep reading. 🙂

Continue reading

Twas the Day Before #PitMad…

…and all through the house, Lauren was freaking out.Related image

 

I’m not a poet. Sue me.

So tomorrow is the big day. #PitMad! For those who don’t know, #PitMad is a Twitter pitching event. You can tweet up to three different pitches throughout the day (8 AM – 8 PM). Now that Twitter has expanded its characters, it gives you a little more wiggle room to explain yourself. Thank God. “Likes” from agents equal query requests. Boom, baby!

Image result for boom baby gif

For more info, click here!

Continue reading

Let’s Query.

 

Image result for literary agent meme

Querying: every writer’s worst nightmare

I mean, I couldn’t even put an exclamation point in the title.

Unless you can hire someone to write one for you (Wait. Is that a thing? If so, contact me.), querying is an inevitable process if you want your book traditionally published. I’ve been scouring the interwebs in search of resources for this process, and I’m amazed at how much info is out there.

One problem I’m finding is how often advice is contradicted. So which advice do you follow? *If you’re wondering the answer to that question, it’s not here. Because I don’t know.*

Continue reading

I Did A Thing. Incorrectly.

Most writers (aspiring and otherwise) on Twitter know about the pitch party opportunities, which occur several times a year. Yesterday was one such event called #DVPit.

Is my manuscript even pitchable at this point in time? Eh, not 100%, no. And so even considering participation in this event was foolish. That should’ve been my first clue.

But I tweeted anyway.

Image result for jared leto gif

 

However, that’s not the part I did incorrectly.

Continue reading

Where Did February Go?

Somehow, it’s the last day of February, and I have no clue how this happened. I made a prediction this month would be pretty productive.

Yeah, it wasn’t.

I guess I should say, I wasn’t. It’s not February’s fault. I can’t blame it for being short. I can’t blame its confusing one-day-summer, one-day-winter weather.

I could blame Netflix. And I will. I was binge-watching Friday Night Lights and Bates Motel. It’s the whole Netflix trap, that little countdown that takes you right into the next episode. The seconds tick by and I’m trying to decide if I should go do something or watch the next episode. By the time I’ve decided, the next one has already started and it doesn’t seem right to turn it off. Netflix knows what’s up. Sly devils.

Continue reading